whowantstoloseit's Xanga

A night to remember.

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 06:32:26 GMT

11/6

It makes me sad that most of my adventures are left out of my blogs, these days. I can't help it. I think it's something about it remaining a memory, it just feels nice. But this one... I want to make damn sure I remember.

Heather and I were planning to see the Fourth Kind tonight, that was the set idea since Wednesday. In typical Heather form, she calls me the day of the event to confirm. The movie's at 10:50, we're all set. UNTIL! she calls and needs to hang out at my house for a bit because she's locked out of her place and doesn't want to go watch her boyfriend smoke pot for a while. So she comes over, we hang out, my mom comes home, we snack and talk. Eventually, Aubrey takes us back to Heather's, where family has arrived. We get Roo and head out, but at that point, it's already 11:00. We get to the movies at about 11:25 and see that they're closed. Our next plan: BOWLING.

Who doesn't like bowling, really? Beside the fact that our local bowling alley likes to rape your wallet, it's all fun and games. Can you believe that it's $17 PER FUCKING PERSON to bowl? The nice, bald man let us get in with $12, but still. Being cute will only get you so far. Then we have to get shoes. They're fine, but I was wearing flats, so I had to BUY socks. And the socks didn't even fit. Oh, and the socks that didn't fit? Guess how much they cost. Go ahead, guess.

$2.50 for a pair of unfitting fucking socks. They you're going to wear for, what, 2 hours? And then throw away! Fucking bullshit, I say. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT.

But we paid the fees and went on our merry way.

They play relatively okay music in the bowling alley, though. Lady Gaga and Soulja Boy, you know. A few indie kid love songs that we all hate, but that was okay. I think I kicked ass in the games we played, but somehow, Roo wound up winning. Who knows? Maybe she had lucky shoes.

So we go to leave, and while we're waiting for a Muse song to play out, a bunch of black fellas yell to us "Yo, snow bunnies, come on! Come over!" So, we laugh and giggle and smile and look silly and then I finally decide "Fuck it, let's." We shake hands and they teach us how to play this game. We waved to a camera that one of them was holding, recording the game with. They were nice, really. The Muse song was over and we decided to leave.

Out of money, but not quite ready to retreat, we think "Where can we go next?" Well, across the street from our bowling alley, there's a wonderful little adult entertainment shop. Do I have to explain much further?

We walk in. Heather and I show our identification, while Roo goes "I left mine in the car. Wanna come help me get it?" I follow her outside and we die, laughing. I mean, really. Fell to the asphalt and cried hysterically. Heather was still inside. Once we crawled into the car, I called her and told her to "get the FUCK out." She did and we left.

That was my night. I bet yours just rolled over and died, in comparison.

I can't ask for things to be still again.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 21:09:47 GMT

10/17

At the beginning of this school year, I thought I would be blogging like a mad woman. I thought I'd be unwinding each night with a lengthy description of each of my classes, every run-in with every cool person I met. Turns out, I'm terribly lazy. That's no news to me, but I am surprised how neglected my blog has been. So to counter-act that, here's everything.

I've been getting out a lot lately. (I think that's already been established, now that I think about it.) I got to hang out at the Harvest Festival for 2 days, which was a lot of fun. Also, the football games. One serious, the other a backward version; the girls play football, the boys are the cheerleaders. It was quite entertaining, I must say. David and I got Wendy's and I almost froze. We went to Walmart, too, and he bought a sweater vest. Adorable.

My once-dreaded mid-term grades came in today.

Math - 88, B
Sociology - 90, B
Gym - 93, A
Psychology - 89, B

Mrs. Hall says I'm "consistently courteous and respectful to others," as well as mentioning that I show "positive attitude and enthusiastic participation." I think she's adorable.

Today is just a really crappy day, I'm surprised my mood isn't worse. It's raining outside, and it's not even the attractive kind of rain. It's ugly and cold and windy and dreary. I spent my morning listening to Taylor Swift and going some virtual window-shopping.

There are only 25 days left until I hop on a plane and fly to meet Ruthi in Illinois. I've made no progress with anything related to the trip, really. I'll have to get to the DMV as soon as possible, which will be whenever Jesse has the time to drive me there. Plus, I want to do a little shopping before I leave. I do have a coat and most of the cold-weather things I might need, but I have some cash burning a hole in my pocket - might as well put it to good use, right? I think I'll tell my dad that I need some sweaters and such, though. If there's any chance I can get around spending my own money, I'll take it.

List time. Things I would like:

01. Sweaters. There are a few on Target's website that are seemingly adorable, so I'm interested.
02. Tights. American Eagle and Kohl's both have some gorgeous, knit tights on their websites. I figure they're warm and maybe that way, I can buy a dress or something. I haven't bought a dress in ages, and I know winter isn't exactly the prime season for them, but damn it, I intend to try.
03. Boots. I want/need boots in the worst way. It's getting colder and colder and the only shoes I'm sporting are flats. Adorable, but not the most practical for the weather. Maybe a pair of rain boots, too. Ooh la la.
04. A new bag. I've been needing a new bag for a while, now. My Warhol tote is wonderful, and I have no intention of retiring it for good, but it's rather large and I keep hitting people in the hallway. Plus, I want a bag that has a way of closing. Some comparments. I don't know, we'll see.
05. Hats and scarves. I already have a bunch of scarves, but I only have one winter hat that I like. It's time for an update.

Home is a feeling I buried in you.

Fucking headaches.

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:49:44 GMT

10/7

I am so intensely ready for this week to be over.

Right now, I have one of those awful headaches that sits right in the front of your brain and won't leave. I've had it for hours. I don't even want to bother taking any medicine for it. I just want it to stop.

I'm pretty terrified about school, lately. Mid-terms come out next week, or something like that. I know my grades aren't great. I had a C in math, last time she gave us an update. My sociology and psychology grades were both in the B range, I think, but I have a feeling they've probably gotten worse with time. This Freud project has me stressed like crazy. My PP presentation is finished and I'm thinking I'll do the worksheet tomorrow in SERA, instead of messing with it tonight. It's simple, come up with 10 questions. I can do it. That's all due tomorrow. The activity was going to be due tomorrow, as well, but she extended that until Tuesday. Thank science, ugh. I still don't have a solid grasp of what to do, but maybe I'll figure something out over the 3-day weekend.

Friday is the Harvest Festival, and I'm pretty excited for that. Heather's singing, and a lot of people are going. David should be there, Kori's apparently going. Jenny and Katherine. The gang. I just hope there's some fun to be had.

35 more days until Illinois, which I still can't believe.

Top Model favorites!

Erin

Jennifer

Nicole

Rae

And, that's it. The headache is still lingering. Kill me?

Catch up.

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:49:19 GMT

10/3

Blogs have been so far from my mind lately. But some cool things are going on.

I got a cell phone from my dad, for my birthday. A handy little Tracfone, which allows me to text and call with however many minutes I can afford to put on it. It's been quite nice to me so far. I hope it stays that way.

I've been lucky enough to have some friends drive me to school. Matt doesn't like my Elliott Smith CD, and I don't like his Pantera, but we agree on RHCP, SOAD, and Underoath. Someone else, too, but I forget.

I've just been filled with social time lately, it seems. Going out to football games and everything. Last night, Heather picked me and Jenny up, and we went to Wawa for drinks. We met up with Katherine and David at school and had a dandy ol' time. $2 to sit and bitch with David about how annoying people are. Then we all went to Wendy's and David drove me home. It's good stuff. Now he knows where I live, so maybe cute adventures are more likely to happen. I hope so.

My latest playlist goes something like this:

01. Adele - That's It, I Quit, I'm Movin' On
02. All Time Low - Weightless
03. The Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy)
04. The Bird and the Bee - I'm a Broken Heart
05. Brand New - Fork and Knife
06. The Classic Brown - Modulation
07. Dave Matthews - Funny the Way It Is
08. Girl in a Coma - Their Cell
09. Howie Day - Morning After
10. Imogen Heap - the Moment I Said It
11. Jack's Mannequin - MFEO
12. Jeff Buckley - So Real
13. Kanye West - Heartless
14. Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
15. Say Anything - Shiksa (Girlfriend)
16. The Spill Canvas - Staplegunned
17. Sublime - Santeria
18. Taylor Swift - Hey Stephen
19. Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me
20. Tokyo Rose - I Won't Say
21. The Used - I Caught Fire
22. The Vines - Fuck the World

I don't know what to do with my birthday money. I could A) put it in the bank and let it sit for a while, away from all my basic temptations, B) save it for Illinois, just in case my mom's plan doesn't go through, C) make a realistic list of things I need/want and execute said list with said money. I can't fucking decide.

I need to order a yearbook. $60 for a yearbook. And that's if I buy it this month. Next month, they go up to $70. All this shit they want you to pay for, during senior year, is bullshit. $200+ for senior pictures, $20 for a cap and gown that you will NEVER WEAR EVER FUCKING AGAIN, ugly tee shirts with "SENIORS 09" all over them, a $1000 trip to Florida for 3 days with a bunch of douchebags, however fucking much it costs to buy a prom ticket and all the things you might need for that. It's a bunch of shit, and makes me hate high school even more than I already did.

Me and David made a pact not to get excited about school shit, while we're still there. There are a bunch of guys that get shirtless and covered in body paint for the football games, I don't know what they spell out. But seeing them, along with the ridiculous fans of shitty high school sports, made me quite ill. Really? We've won like... one game... in ten years. We're shitty, knock off the obligatory clapping and cheering.

I'm only up this late (1:47 AM) because I caught up on all of my sleep last night. Went to bed before midnight and slept until 3 PM. So now, I should probably hit the sack and get it over with.

Temptations.

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:54:37 GMT

9/26

I am going to have trouble resisting the urge to buy all of Target's adorable rain boots.

But they would be so practical! And, sure, achingly adorable. But practical, too!

In the morning, I sleep alone.

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:42:42 GMT

9/22

I'm 5 days into a year of photos. I'm not posting them anywhere, but I want to record things. Remember things.

Money, money, money. For my birthday, I got about $200. I spent a bit, though, so I'm down to about $186. Also, for my trip to Illinois, my mom is saying that I'll be able to have some spending money. I guess she's getting a check from the state, something to do with taxes, and she's giving it to me. $400-$500 just for a 5 day vacation? I'm down! Speaking of which, 50 days left. Jesus Christ, 50 days. I can hardly believe it.

I'm curious to find out what, if anything, my dad is getting me for my birthday. He was going to take me out to dinner on Sunday, but my uncle beat him to the punch. I know he said something about getting me a prepaid phone, since he got one for himself, but I don't know if that's still the plan. There was also talk about an iHome, but again, who knows?

Fucking hell, I'm turning into one of those silly girls. Only mentally, though. I'm trying to make sure I don't go nuts.

Tomorrow is a half day, which is nice. It's only been two weeks and I already feel like I need a break. That's a little pathetic. But, on the plus side, I got a 96 or 97 on my sociology test today. I have a psychology test on Thursday, which sounds a little scarier, but I think I'll survive it.

Never trust a heart that's so bent, it can't break.

Happy birthday to me.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:54:17 GMT

9/18

Tonight was so fucking grand. 3rd Friday was wonderful. I saw a bunch of folks. Mia and her crew, Theo and his girlfriend decided to go. We saw some douchebags that make my friends miserable. Fuck them. We will survive, asshole.

Watched David and Heather eat sushi, but I remain unconvinced. I had pizza for $3. I also got a Frosty from Wendy's and those orgasmic cinnamon things from Taco Bell. I love my friends for paying for my birthday food. Thank you, again.

Listened to a bunch of Lady Gaga and Beyonce. I want to have a dancy party.

Not a whole lot of old men hitting on us this time. Maybe it's because David was with us, that would make sense. Oh! Speaking of men, we definitely ran into a transgender fella. (Well, fella? Lady? I don't know what they'd prefer to be called. Biologically male, dressed as a woman.) David and I couldn't stop laughing once it was safe.

Tonight is just one of those nights to remember. I'm so happy, I can't wrap my head around it all. I'm still looking forward to so much, it's ridiculous.

Right now, I need to get some sleep. My eyes are so heavy. I will have good dreams, though.

Wake me up when September ends. (Clever, eh?)

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 03:01:51 GMT

9/15

Tomorrow morning, Matt might be picking me up and taking me to school. Pretty cool of him, if it works out.

I am so excited for Friday. Probably more excited than I need to be. It's just regular ol' Third Friday, with tons of people, music, and artwork. But this time, David will be there. That does make it a few million times cooler. Combined with Heather and myself, I think we'll have some fun times.

I really need to buckle down with school. I know it's early, so I haven't ruined anything just yet, but I haven't really been doing homework or taking things terribly seriously. I have this current event for sociology that I'm supposed to have finished, but I've only printed out the article. C'est la vie. I'll be okay.

I'm so hormonal, also. Cravings and hot flashes and other ridiculous crap. I hate it.

Maggie and Densie have mailed me birthday cards, both were lovely. I got $50 from Densie (thanks!) and I can't decide what to do with it. I should save it. Put it somewhere. Put it in my joke of a bank account. Give it to my mom. I don't know. Whatever it goes toward, I'm thankful.

It is time for sleep. Now. Yes.

Things to smile about.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 02:55:36 GMT

9/13

I'm quite scattered lately, with my thoughts. Everything is everywhere.

I am so looking forward to a few things:

01. This Friday. I turn 18 and I'm going to Third Friday with Heather and David, who are a few of my absolute favorite people. I'm more excited to hang out with them than to celebrate my birthday, truth be told.

02. Illinois, still. I realize it's in November, but I am so immensely stoked, I can't even describe it.

03. More shopping. I went out with my dad yesterday and bought 2 shirts and a cardigan, and we figured that our trips will be whenever he has the time and money. Not one big extravaganza, but several smaller excursions, instead. I don't think I'm telling him about Illinois, but I intend to shop for it with his money.

04. Possibly having money put into my bank account... again. On this trip with my dad, he also mentioned that I will eventually need a car, and will be looking into a way to put money into my account for that purpose. Granted, my mom needs a car NOW, but I suppose we'll take what we can get.

05. Getting a cell phone. Another thing from my dad. He bought himself a little prepaid phone while we were out, and I hinted at the humor that he was going to have a wireless phone when his teenage daughter doesn't. He reminded me that my birthday was coming up, and said "You have one, sweetie." I still want an iHome, but we'll see. I'm going to try and remain optimistic about everything.

And now, I have to go to bed. Tomorrow is the first Monday of the school year. This week is going to be so horribly long, since I'm looking so forward to Friday. I hope the whole deal works out, and we can all make it. Otherwise, I will be one sad chick.

Present tense? First day: complete.

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:21:08 GMT

9/8

I managed to make the most embarassing move possible on the first day of classes: I went into the wrong room for first block. Thank you, Mr. Tom, for bringing us to school late. It really made me feel awesome, walking into a room full of seated freshmen, totally quiet and nervous. How did I end up looking like the idiot here? It went something like this:

"Hiii."
"Hi. Hm... let me look at my... B205..."
"This... is... B205?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Wow. Okay, and I'm in 12th grade. That's embarassing."

I proceeded toward the door, in an attempt to flee the scene, when I couldn't open the damn thing.

"Am I locked in here, too?"
"Oh, the handle goes up, dear."
"Oh. Awesome. Lovely."

Then, I go to the next room, B206, where I belong. More seated folks, but no 9th graders. I see Matt Garrison, see that I could sit next to him, and do just that. Cali isn't here yet, but it's cool to have a class with her. Kenny sits in front of me, but it's still early. Whisper conversation with Matt:

"I just went in the wrong room."
"Hahahahahahaha."
"I'm so embarassed."
"How was summer school?"
"Fucking great."

Then we move seats. I sit next to some guy from my math class last year. He's actually quite hysterical. I tried to joke with him, but it only worked a few times. Cali sits on the other side of me; Matt, behind her, Kenny, behind me. I think I can live in there. Mrs. DuBois knows my brother and seems nice, she has nice kids.

Then, to sociology. Kenny is there again, along with some faces that I know, but their names are complete mysteries. There are maybe 12 people in this class? The teacher, Mrs. Hall, is rather quirky. I like her so far, but it's only day one. Her first name, Ivi, is pronounced ee-vee, which I think is so pretty. I don't think I've ever heard of that name before today. It suits her well. Kenny sits next to me now, but I think she's going to assign real seats tomorrow. Before the 11th graders leave for their assembly, we are put into pairs and make posters of different chapters in our books. I'm paired with a girl whose name I forget, who is more interested in decorating the poster than looking at the book. She seems nice enough, though. I see some Ed Hardy stuff in her purse, and there were lots of sequins. That could be dangerous.

During SERA, the 35 minutes pinned on the end of sociology, the seniors (finally I am included) have their assembly. I go to the PAC and wait to see someone I knew. Heather eventually shows up in the hallway, so we're both relieved. We also run into Melissa, who I had lunch with last year, but never talked to. We sit, listen, we crack jokes on the policies pertaining to stolen or lost items. ("We look for 5 minutes, and then we're through!") I see David and his friend Alisa on the other side of the PAC, and eventually he saw me and we wave dramatically. When I finally make my way out of the room, there he stands, waiting for us. Hugs and such, good stuff.

Off to gym. Totally on the opposite side of stoked, now. I don't know anyone in my gym class this year. I have Mrs. Ewan and she keeps talking about her name changing. I don't care about her name; her name could be Mrs. Feeny for all I care, her face gives me the creeps. We get our locks, eventually, and pick lockers. I'm pretty satisfied with mine, more satisfied than I have been in a while. I hear Harley in the locker room somewhere, and talk to her, but know that I don't plan to team up with her unless absolutely necessary. I am very unlucky in gym this year. No girlfriends in sight. Frank and Taylor are familar faces, but I don't want to hang out with them any more than they want to hang out with me. This will make the semester quite difficult.

Lunch was next, and I am excited because Theo, David, Heather, and Jenny are all coming to B commons. Theo and Jenny are supposed to be there, but the others are being sneaks. I get there a bit late, again, because the gym teachers are nuts. I do get a seat, though, at our horrible table in the middle of the cafeteria. It is so crowded, and there is hardly room to move once you're in a chair. I talk to David, mostly. His brother didn't show up, but I want to see the kid. I need to put a name to a face.

Psychology next, with Mrs. Hall again. I feel good, knowing her already. I got there a little later than I'd prefer, but before the bell rang. The room is packed, a far cry from 2nd block. Nearly every table is taken, so I pick one at random. I wind up being the only person with no one else at my two-person table, which is fine by me. We'll have assigned places tomorrow, anyway. We have to get to know each other. Melinda likes sports, photography, and she's double-jointed. She is in 12th grade, but looks like she's 15. The boy who sits with her likes going to the mall, going on the computer, and making money. I don't recall his name. Kyle Newkirk is on the other side of the room, some adorable boy named Mark (Marc?) is sitting in the middle of the room. Devon Turner sits a few seats to my left, he has facial hair now. I eventually work with some girl on the other side of the room, on another poster. Adolescence. I write, she draws. I don't remember the "getting to know you" facts about her, beside that she's a quiet person. Seems nice, though. Someone starts to sing Boom Boom Pow and I talk about how much I love Jewish people. Mazel tov!

I finally get to leave the room. Go to my locker, put two of my three books away. I have so many papers to be signed. It is terrifying.

I see Heather outside, and get a little too hype while talking about the fight to get a seat on the bus this afternoon. I punch myself in the face on complete accident. People probably think I am an asshole. I'm just stoked to be breathing at the end of the day.

I have all of my papers signed, now. I need to buy book covers.

I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow, after school. I'm so scared. What if he hurts me? What if he thinks I'm gross? What if he doesn't even want to touch me? Do they wear gloves? Will he hit on me?

Dad called me tonight and we talked for a bit. He said we can shop over the weekend. Jesse needs to pick up his fucking cell phone, because Mom and I need groceries. If she can't get a hold of him tomorrow in school, I'll be asking Dad if I can make a quick trip to Aldi and pick up some things. Jesse is so unreliable lately. He's generally a lazy guy, and we know that, but we've been calling him for days and he has yet to answer or call us back. His voicemail inbox is full, so we can't even leave messages. We are so fucked without a car. I am so sad about it, so I won't bother thinking about if for now.

I still want cardigans.

I got a hundred compliments on my hair today. No one is used to seeing it down, and short. I'm glad they like it. Public opinion is a concern of mine.

I took a nap when I came home, only for an hour or so. Today, I ran on three hours of sleep. Tomorrow, it will be better. I'm going to sleep so well tonight.

- 10 days until my birthday
- 64 days until Illinois
- 144 days until school is done